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--- pressing_outwards [2026/06/08 22:02] – created neilwinterburn
+++ pressing_outwards [2026/06/09 00:35] (current) – neilwinterburn
@@ Line 23: / Line 23: @@
 OMFG I constantly forget I'm right here. Right in the middle of all my and other peoples expectations of who I should be and what I should be. I'm actually just this, what I am experiencing right now.
 Where does that need to escape where I'm from come from?
-I think I've been scared of suffering like my Dad. Suffering the anxiety and frustration of being so grounded he can't step back and so gets frustrated and angry. Suffering the injustice of being a working class man, treated like a tool, discarded by a business and government.
-It's also probably my wanting to jump out of the queerness I felt my dad disapproval of. Jumping out of a body that felt angry with my Dad and all the men and boys I knew for being suspicious of me, for making me go play football twice a week when it was something I didn't want to do. Trying to escape the working class adage of, don't try and be something you're not.
-My shock at my Dad's shock that I don't move, think and talk like him, expelled the feelings of being like him and other Yorkshire blokes from my body.
+It's also probably my wanting to jump out of the queerness I felt peoples disapproval of. Jumping out of a body that felt angry with all the men and boys I knew for being suspicious of me, for making me go play football twice a week when it was something I didn't want to do. Trying to escape the working class adage of, don't try and be something you're not.
-My entire personality is based on not being my Dad.
-How does he feel when he sees me doing that?
+My shock at my Dad's shock that I don't move, think and talk like him.
 Suddenly inside, I feel an awareness in me, a presence that feels like my Dad and his ways. Awareness's within me of how to be like they were as I was growing up.  They're sat in a nook of the fox pub, Pete Swan is shrugging about some wierd new fad none of them can get their head around, revelling some peoples peoples ridiculousness,  Paul Grant is telling me, I love your Dad, but my god he can talk.