notes

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===== My body as a sensor =====

The body and especially sensations from parts I've repressed and dampened down - as the way to be the nondual. My feeling the queer curious part of myself, (like the floating mercury Terminator 2) integrate with the other parts of myself feels like a connection to emptiness. Not because that part of me is divine, but because its the part of myself I was most separate from. Feeling that as part of myself makes me feel more whole and connected to everything else. I felt many parts of myself and what was happening in the room around me. 

It felt like 1960’s video feedback of my movement and sensations had suddenly stopped. I could feel all the emotions, all the presences of absences that I normally push out and exclude from myself suddenly be sucked back into me. I felt suchness, fleeting, for milliseconds. I just experienced sensations mingling in my body, my face moving like no one was watching, my body moving in a way that felt beautiful and sensual. I just saw and felt with total clarity. I hadn’t realised how much the presence of all those absences was blurring patches of my vision. I hadn’t realised how much of the time I experience being so separate from the place I’m in and the people I’m with.  Most of the time! Here I could sense what was happening in the room in a different way because I was part of the same ground.