notes

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===== Not thoughts but images in the space between us =====


Parts of images that appear in space as presences of absent and unwanted sensations, perceptions, thoughts and feelings.

As parts of things that shouldn't be seen or be happening in this place at this moment.

The Heart Sutra

“no eye, ear, nose, tongue, body, mind; no colour, sound, smell, taste, touch, phenomenon; no realm of sight…”

That see and filter things seen.

That filter, mutate and transform

That are pushed and pulled and sculpted and moulded.
That push and pull and sculpt and mould.

That filter, mutate and transform images.

That project
That introject
That externalise

That look for things
That sense things
That emit information
That filter information

That emit parts of voices heard
That moves to gestures and expressions

That do thinking
That do feeling

That grow
That leave trails

Images that can be moved, moulded and distorted by emotional energies and forces coming from hands and faces.

That emit forces and energies which mould and distort other images close by or further away.

Where (to the millimeter) in relation to the space between characters bodies, do we push the most shameful, mean and ugly images of (parts of) people doing, seeing, feeling, saying things that we don't want to see in this situation? 

**Step through lines in the scene,**

Bring almost every possible representation of experience and behaviour that could be associated with the situation, from the culture of the time. No images can be removed, however unwanted or inappropriate, they all have to be moved and arranged by the participants intuition for the social emotional dynamics of the scene in that moment.

Explore projected shame
What (images of) things would characters most be disgusted to imagine others in the scene thinking, feeling, wanting or doing?

Explore introjection - what ideas, ways of being might characters swallowed from other people in their lives? Introjects are like wallpaper, you don't even notice them.

Explore needs and desires - what things do characters in the scene most want to see happen?

Explore fears - what things do characters in the scene most fear happening?

Play with where the images are, how they move, are shaped.

Play as each image, how it moves, how it experts force, emits energies, puts out information.

Mime the dynamics of energies and forces moving between the images with our hands, bodies and mouths.

---

What Im realising about shame.
Shame lives in and around my spine like a virus, no doubt sprawling down and out to my lymph nodes and surrounding area. I feel where people shaming me as a boy and a teenager for fancying caroline and moving/seeming gay, has taken viral form and gone deep into my body and stayed there. 

But, most of the time that's triggered, like an electric charge shocking me from the inside, the triggering  isn't mine. Its other peoples shame, pushed out and projected onto me. More so when it's unspoken, caught and manifest through people acting to protect and defend against my doing whatever it is they're projecting on to me. A lot of the time these two things can strike each other and completely jarr me. When someone says something directly it feels easier to deal with. Indirect unspoken endemic shaming feels more difficult to fend off, more like the wallpaper than the table centrepiece everyone is disagreeing about. It's unspoken gestures, body language, expressions and unspoken agreements not to see or support certain ways of being. This is really hard to represent, it's easy to describe obvious criticisms and judgements, but harder to represent a lack. Maybe as well as aggressive defensiveness, I need to find ways to capture and represent images of care and support a character needed that were absent.

I can take a breath and find the gap between these things. It's not a continuous conductive ocean of shame. My shame is in me and can be soothed. Their shaming is a projection of their shame - I dont have to take it in.

Im ony just realising how much we project our shame, fear, sadness, meanness, cruelty and anxiety onto each other. 

---

A tool to place image fragments in augmented space

To be able to sculpt them

Cut them up, copy and paste

Create particle systems emitted from images

Able to copy and mutate using alife systems

So different people might 

Move images around the scene, intuitively feeling where they should move to in the social emotional dynamics of the situation.

push and pull, mould and distort, merge and morph them in different directions

Emit waves and trails of particles in different directions

Grow in different directions

Replicate and mutate in different directions