notes

A lot of the time I get overwhelmed by the presence of other peoples thoughts and feelings, all these distortions in the space-time of the room emanating at me. Sometimes I get a sense of my thinking and feeling happening outside my body, moving around the room, communicating with other people's ideas, emotions and memories in ways I don’t understand. I used to think that was my super power, maybe it’s just anxiety. I think it’s double edged.

Multitudes of thoughts and feelings move within and between and all around us, reproducing in shop doorways, on the sofas we argue and make up on, the checkouts we queue at and the desks we work at. The fabric of places soak up things we try not to see. Emotions leak from our bodies, hanging mid-air or growing on the surface of things. The ways of thinking we feed with attention follow us around, showing us what we want to see, telling us what we want to hear and telling us off. Those we neglect grow wild, looking for safer habitats, attaching to other people, places and things instead of us. They arrive as ways snippets of being from other people, social media or TV shows from different times and places in my live, bringing needs of their own.

I try to stay in control, choosing which to hide or show, containing them or keeping them well away, but I can’t stop what I can’t feel. I keep a lot of my thinking trained, but I have this feeling that most pass between the layers of my skin, clothes, bones and walls.